Joy Miller

So my Mom has cancer. Don't feel bad for me - I'm actually not nervous...the universe will NOT punish me by taking her away. Partly because I have good karma, and partly because it doesn't want to risk making me the ABW (for those of you that don't know me, I've been known to morph in to the Angry Black Woman). At first it was scary, but lately...it's gotten FUN! Yes, FUN! You know why? Because Patrick Swayze is a patient at the same hospital she's at! YES, Mr. Dirty Dancing is being treated at Stanford Cancer Center along with Mrs. Christine Miller.

Now, I have this recurring fantasy that I go to walk in to my Mom's room with a DVD of "Road House", a copy of the book "To Wong Foo: Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar", while simultaniously singing "Shess Like the Wind" - only I accidentally walk in to Patrick Swayze's room. Quelle Surprise! And he gives me the face that he gave Demi Moore in "Ghost" when she gets to see him one last time - and I say, "Oh, excuse me." And he says, "No, no, no don't go...stay awhile!" and we chat about everything, just everything - and become best friends.

Then when he and my Mom are both better - we have a big dinner party for them at some sort of summer resort in the Catskill Mountains of New York, he invites Whoppi Goldberg (my lone celebrity friend invite is Charlie Steiner), and everyone dances in celebration while I repeatedly yell "Nobody puts SWAYZE in the corner!"

So, in honor of Patrick's and my impeding friendship - I present

The Top Ten Things I would LOVE to ask Patrick Swayze:

(Please note that these all reference my favorite Swayze movies, if you don't love The Swayze, I'm not sure what's wrong with you - and you probably won't get them)

10. Do you go around calling people "spaghetti arms"? and when they look at you in distain, say, "I DID call Jennifer Grey that in a liiii-ttle film called 'Dirty Dancing'!"

9. Have you ever considered making a shirt that says "I was Chosen as People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive [1991]"?

8. Can you record yourself on to my iPod saying "Is that all the gusta you can musta?" so when I get tired on the treadmill, I can play it on repeat?

7. Can you call and ask former co-star C. Thomas Howell (and current radio show poker commentator) to teach you to play poker so I can run in to you guys together at poker events, therefore making my 3rd grade dream come true?

6. Were you jealous that it was Keanu Reeves, not you, that got to say "Vaya con Dios, Brah!"?

5. Can you really survive a Soviet invasion by hunting deer and urinating in a jeep's radiator to keep it running when there's no water around?

4. Do you have a sign over the urinal at your house that says, "Don't eat the big white mint"?

3. Do you ever wake up sweating after having a nightmare containing Keanu Reeves screaming, "I AM AN F... B... I AGENT!"? No? Ummmmm...me neither.

2. When someone calls you a cocksucker, do you always respond, "It's just two nouns combined to elicit a response."? Because I do, James Dalton.

1. Do you have Obama-Mania? Because that's a WAY better disease than this cancer thing! But while Obama-mania can't be defeated...I have faith that you and Mom are gonna overcome cancer.

So, I'm not just about "The Fluff", I'm also on the Board of Directors for a charity called The One Step Closer Foundation. It was started by a friend of mine, Jacob, whom if you've been to the World Series of Poker, you've seen whizzing by in his motorized wheelchair and thought "Did that kid steal Doyle's scooter?"

Jacob has cerebral palsy. But has always lived his life with the goal of helping others.

(Read his bio at www.onestepcloserfoundation.org )

The Houston Chronicle just wrote a comprehensive piece on the foundation that I thought was insightful, please check it out when you get a chance. He is such an amazing inspiration.

And look for us to produce a charity poker tournament later this year - that of course I'll hit you all up for!

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/life/main/5543364.html

-Joy

I LURVES me some Wise Hand Poker - so the Great and Powerful G. Wise gave me my own blog. I'm gonna try to do a Top Ten list each week...Consider yourselves warned! (Not trying to compete with Morry...his was pretty damn good, but I'm kinda the Queen of Top Ten lists)

So, this summer, we media ladies found ourselves comparing notes on whom we thought looked good (believe me, after spending hours and hours staring at hundreds of the same men they get REALLY attractive), so we decided to make an OFFICIAL LIST

This is the Official Women of The Media Top Ten Hot Guys in Poker List

As compiled by Gloria, Tiffany, Stephanie, Jennifer, Heather, and yours truly.

Please note we dont all agree on all of them but its the best we could do to get a functioning list. And Patrick Antonius is WAY too good looking so we gave him an automatic pass.

In no particular order:

1. David Williams - we voted him to the list BEFORE he won the bracelet. Hes good looking, dresses great (though, we could do without the Michael Jordan-esq new shoes every day), has a sexy smile, and loves his Mama. AND he had a cabana at the Hard Rock Hotels Sunday Rehab Party which reportedly cost $100,000 for the season!

2. Joe Hachem - the Daddy of four kids is a looker, but his appeal comes from the combination of his unabashed love for his wife Jeannie, the gorgeous kids and his brother Tony. His accent doesnt hurt either. Plus, he always remembers our names.

3. Joe Cassidy - We want him to read us bedtime stories with that sexy voice. When he talks he sounds like hes smoked a hundred packs of cigarettes on a lazy Sunday.

4. Nick Schulman - He may have been the WPTs youngest winner, but when he throws on his Clark Kent glasses, we find him all kinds of grown up sexy! Ask him to say Under the Gun with that Manhattan accent and youll see why we loves us some Nick.

5. Joe Sebok - Berkeley smarts and shys away from letting nepotism rule his career, instead choosing to work hard at becoming a good player and entrepreneur. Plus, hes a good loser (see last years costumes in his prop bet loss to Gavin Smith).

6. Phil Ivey - The End.

7. Erick Lindgren - All- American looks, but he can be goofy and has a funny sense of humor which makes him the Dane Cook of our list. Plus, just try to find a flaw on his skin.

8. David Singer- The Eyes.

9. Justin Bonomo.Brian Townsend.Jared Hamby - Three guys who made a name for themselves on the internet, but are surprisingly not that bad to look at when they appear live. Extra props to Bonono for the faux-hawk, Townsend for being a rugby player and successful business owner, and Hamby for STILL rockin that damn hat. Hes kinda like Eryka Badu, we wanna know what mystery is under the cap.

10. Paul Wasicka - Looks like he stepped out of a Banana Republic ad now that he made the Final Table two years ago. Amazing what a stylist, girlfriend, great haircut, and a couple million will do for you.

Honorable Mention went to the ESPN crew, The Poker Royalty Guys, Matt Gianetti (Mine was the lone vote, but I stand by it - that kid is haaawt. I've probably told him about 22 times already) Rick Fuller’s perfect nose, and all The PokerListings.com writers/reporters.