Jameson Singer

I want you to sit back in your chair and think about something for me. Now, this may take awhile to find an answer so just be patient. When was the last time you saw a "Guarantee" tournament on a well-known site actually have a prize pool that stayed under the amount of the guarantee?

...Anything yet?

...How about now?

...Yea. Me neither.

The greed of these poker sites screams out loud everytime the letters G-U-A-R-A-N-T-E-E show up on the poker screen. Seriously, take a look at the most recent FTOPS on Full Tilt Poker. Now, don't get me wrong, I love poker and I love online poker especially Full Tilt, but the fact is they know full well these guarantees are a mirage. In the first event of the FTOPS the guaranteed prize pool was $500,000. The total prize pool when play began was at an astounding $833,000. That's $233,000 over the guarantee...in a $200 buy-in tournament! That's 1,165 players over the the guarantee! It's like when Kenny Bania offers Jerry a very nice expensive suit and supposedly wants "nothing for it". Jerry knows this is not the case and eventually Bania asks for dinner. This dinner eventually turns into complications about what constitutes a meal and Bania attempts to get many meals out of the transaction.

That situation is very similar to the guarantee tournament. I see the "big" guarantee for a prize pool but know the poker site is just trying to manipulate me. They are saying, "Look at us. We are trying to do the online players a favor by giving them guaranteed prize pools. How nice are we?".

So for me, I will continue to get pissed everytime I see a poker site promoting a guarantee tournament. And until these sites start making prize pools that are actually bigger than the actual prize pool, I shall call these tournaments "The Kenny Bania Tournaments".

I am well aware that my main purpose on this site is to write about poker, however, I have to talk about the new home run "King", Barry Bonds. Perhaps I can relate it to some experiences in poker.

As I watched Bonds belt his record-breaking home run into the deepest part of AT&T Park, all I could think about was the lack of emotion I felt for the whole event. When I ponder how to react to this historic(whether it be negative or positive) event, I've come to this conclusion.

The first thing that comes to mind is how I reacted to guys like Robert Varkonyi, Steve Dannenmann, and others who made final tables or won events in which I didn't feel they deserved it. I appreciated and acknowledged the fact that it's an accomplishment to make it that far into a big tournament, but I still don't respect the players.

My situation regarding Barry Bonds is very similar. I understand that I'm witnessing one of the most, if not the most, significant moment in sports, however, I still absolutely refuse to acknowledge Barry Bonds as the all-time home run champ. The record IS tainted, it IS tarnished, and it certainly should come with an asterisk. Bonds is easily a hall of fame player and easily one of the greatest players to ever play the game, but like Varkonyi didn't deserve the title of best poker player in the world, Bonds doesn't deserve to be the best home run hitter in the world.

Now, people who disagree can argue that nothing has been proven, but seriously, how much proof do you actually need? The moment he started working with Greg Anderson his body turned into Ben Grimm from Fantastic Four and his home run output more than doubled. Oh yea, not to mention Anderson was convicted for giving athletes steroids. Oh yea, not to mention Bonds basically admitted to "unknowingly" using the steroids cream. Oh yea, not to mention the year before, McGwire went on a steroid tear, allegedly, and broke the home run record.

So, with all this information, please do baseball a favor, and treat Bonds like all those poker players who have accomplished great things, but had a lot of help along the way to do so.

Yes, I told you I'd go into detail of my worst experience during the WSOP and here it is. I actually wrote most of this while I was sitting around doing nothing during the early hours of the S.H.O.E. event because the hands are virtually meaningless.

Ah the S.H.O.E. event, I can't think of a better way to spend my Sunday. Not only are the first 4 hours more uneventful than watching a soccer match, but it's held in the tent at the Rio. If you've ever wondered what cookie dough feels like when it's placed into an oven set at 400 degrees, the poker tent is where you want to be.

I've seen field goals hook right because of the wind, baseball games get suspended because of rain, and even basketball games get postponed because of snow, but I've never seen the natural elements affect a poker game until now. Nevertheless, back to my nightmare covering the S.H.O.E. event.

As I look at the faces of the players in the event, I begin to wonder if they're more bored than I am. The first hour provides intense action as players bet $15 and then $30 and rake in stacks of $5 tournament chips.

Oh wow! Chip Jett is involved in an Omaha 8 or better hand. I'll have to continue this following the hand.

0:05 later...

Sorry about that. Chip Jett and an opponent were betting back and forth until finally Jett showed the nut-low while his opponent took the high. Chop it up, fellas. Several minutes of my life have been wasted as another observer of this event goes unsatisfied. Split pots are something that should be outlawed for the sheer fact that it goes against everything we've experienced in life. It's like watching a porno scene that ends after the fully clothed girl says, "Maybe you should punish me, officer".

1:30 later...

Well, it has been an hour and a half and I've yet to record a hand. I did, however, watch Daniel Negreanu get a massage. That was exciting. The tournament has now switched to it's fourth game of the evening, Stud Hi/Lo with a $5 ante, a $10 bring-in, and $30-$60 blinds. Sweet. Now that's something that will get your adrenaline pumping. Why do something like skydiving when I can watch a pot be split up between 3 people?

Now, I know what you avid poker fans are saying by this point. It's something along the lines of, "These are great games to play. Just because it's not your precious No-Limit Hold 'em doesn't mean it's not good". Let me just clarify now that I understand this. The thing that truly makes me want to stick my head into a microwave, however, is the low limits. $5 red chips are meant for the cash games, not for my tournament covering pleasure.

To further support this let me inform you that approximately 1:40 into this event they've just broke the first table. If you told me that was exciting I'm pretty positive I'd then be given the right to throw something at you...like a $5 tournament chip.

There it is. My adventures(or lack there of) while covering the S.H.O.E. event. For the record I did survive it to live another day.

What's up everyone? I guess I'm the newest member of the Wise Hand Poker blogging team. Before I get into the best experience I had during this year's WSOP, I should probably let you guys know who I am. I figure if I don't you might as well assume I'm some homeless old man looking for quick cash. Well, I'm not an old man or homeless, at least for the time being. I'm 22 and I just graduated from Quinnipiac University(It's in Connecticut) with a journalism degree and I've worked as a tournament reporter the last two years at the WSOP. Ok, now let's get into the real topic of this post.

The best moment at this year's WSOP for me came more towards the end. I was covering the $5,000 Shorthanded No-Limit Hold 'em event and it was later in the evening on Day 1. I'm pretty sure it was either a Friday or Saturday because there weren't a lot of spectators. There was, however, Thomas Wahlroos. I'm not sure if Wahlroos had played in the event or not that day, but he definitely wasn't still in it when he started wandering through the tables drunk off his ass. How do I know he was drunk? Well, for one he had a drink in his hand and a huge drunk grin on his face(I'm qualified to determine what a drunk grin is from personal experience, but that's a moot point). I also was pretty sure he was wasted because he came up to me and said something to the affect of, "I'm wasted".

As Wahlroos continued to check out the action he stopped by Roland de Wolfe's table to say hello. As he leaned over de Wolfe's shoulder to check his friend's chip stack a wonderfully drunk idea popped into his head. Wahlroos got closer to de Wolfe's stacks of chips and preceded to knock them all over. I'm not sure about everybody else, but I lost it and couldn't stop laughing. Wahlroos, however, wasn't done there.

He immediately spotted Phil Hellmuth who was also still in the tournament and went over to the all-time bracelet winner's table. Only moments after destroying de Wolfe's stack Wahlroos did much of the same to Hellmuth's. What was so great about this is Hellmuth lost it. Hellmuth immediately stood up and called the floor over as Wahlroos ran out of the Amazon Room giggling. The floormen couldn't do much about the situation because Wahlroos had already fled the scene. The damage was done, however, and a wonderful drunk story was created.

In my next blog I'll head to the opposite end of the spectrum and talk about my worst experience from the WSOP. You'll get to see me rant which I've come to determine is my specialty.