Guest Blogger

So...Liz Lieu, Jon Friedberg, and "The Captain" Tom Franklin walk into a bar. Sounds like the intro to a bad joke; right...Actually, it is the introduction to one of my recent evenings in Las Vegas. Day 1A at the WPT Championships has just ended, what do you do? After a dinner at the Bellagio buffet that was spent dining on lamp chops, Kobe beef, and chocolate-covered strawberries, Tom Bostic and I headed down the strip to the Karaoke Bar at the Imperial Palace. There are two palaces on the Las Vegas Strip, and after tonight I'll venture to say that Caeasar's Palace has nothing on the Imperial Palace. They might think of renaming the place the Superior Palace.

Disclaimer: The remainder of this blog will be administered in multiple choice, for all you college kids out there.

Question One: How many security guards does it take to patrol a dive bar at the less-than crowded Imperial Palace?

A: 1
B: 2
C: 3
D: 4

Correct Answer: Four, I don't know why but every ten minutes or so four security guards set up shop in preparation for god knows what. Don't even ask how many of them it would have taken to replace a light bulb.

Question two: Brian Devonshire walks up to a microphone at a karaoke bar, what song does he sing?

A: Summer Lovin'
B: Gin 'n' Juice
C: The Gambler
D: Any Country Music song you can imagine

Correct Answer: Gin 'n' Juice, he received bonus points for introducing his rendition of Snoop Dogg with this statement, "This goes out to all my fellow white boys who grew up listening to gangsta rap in Southern California." Extra Credit: the correct answer for "Captain" Tom (and half the bar) would have been D, he twanged his way through some country song I've never heard and then made a B-Line for the exit.

Question three: The color Teal is best represented by which object?

A: A Hornets jersey that Larry Johnson, Alonzo Mourning, or Mugsy Bogues used to rock when the team still played in Charlotte.
B: A T10,000 chip from the WPT Championship.
C: The outfit the lady who was too old to be at the club was sporting at the Karaoke Bar on said night of said events.
D: That bomb Jansport backpack all junior-high kids used to rock in the nineties.

Correct Answer: My heart wants to say the answer is A or D. My eyes want to say the answer is B, but nine out of ten optometrists can't be wrong. The answer is C, quite possibly because this lady not only found two tones of teal, but she wore them at the same time. By the way, she totally rocked!

Question four: You're hanging out at a Karaoke Bar with "Captain" Tom Franklin, Liz Lieu, Wise Hand's own Tiffany "Hot Chips" Michelle, and Jon Friedberg. Which two poker players walk into the bar next?

A: Jeff Madsen and Theo Tran
B: Gavin Smith and Joe Sebok
C: Doyle Brunson and T.J. Cloutier
D: Mike "The Mouth" Matusow and Phil Hellmuth

Correct answer: Jeff Madsen and Theo Tran. Don't be too disappointed in yourself; I would have guessed B as well. Those two were not present. But there were rumors of Gavin showing up. There were also rumors that Kenna James would show up to sing some country songs, but he heard that Tom Franklin brought the house down with his performance and never showed.

Question five: The bathroom in the Karaoke Bar at the Imperial Palace smells like?

A: A Snow Cone Shack
B: One too many urinal cakes
C: Flowers
D: Kool-Aid, more specifically what it would smell like if the Kool-Aid man busted through the wall of said bathroom and shouted, "Oh Yeah!"
E: All of the above

Correct Answer: All of the above. These were all answers supplied by the four occupants of the bathroom at the time. The Kool-Aid answer prompted us to all start screaming, "Oh Yeah." This prompted one of the four security guards patrolling the area to bust into the bathroom as if he were the Kool-Aid man himself, prompting us all to laugh even harder.

Speaking of Flowers, Bostic and I ran into Frankie Flowers at the high-limit area of the Bellagio poker room on our journey back home. He was sitting at a table with actor James Woods and Rajendra Patel, who won the Foxwoods Poker Classic. I'm pretty sure a 15-minute hand took place between Woods and Patel in the time that we chatted with the always entertaining Flowers.

Bostic and I then returned to our home away from home at 1095 Bellagio Boulevard and I now sit here with you at my computer. Email me your test scores when you get a chance. On that note it's time to go to sleep, Good Night, Good Luck, and Good Riddance!

Ryan "Force" Lucchesi
force@wisehandpoker.com

While I was back in San Francisco for a few days I was able to take in a couple baseball games. Going to as many games as possible has been one of my favorite parts about living in the Bay Area. I'm a huge Giants fan and AT&T Park is one of the nicest parks in country. Many of you will discover this during the All Star game this summer. The Giants defeated the World Champion St. Louis Cardinals in both games I attended, which should boost their confidence in the climb back to a winning record. Barry Bonds hit homerun 738, which was great to see. No matter what you think of the guy he is one of the greatest ball players of this or any other generation.

All the hot dogs, peanuts, and cracker jacks got me thinking. We know baseball is the national pastime, but I think poker deserves to be considered an American pastime as well. If you think about it, we have internalized romantic versions of each game in our minds. Both games also continue to thrive and grow. While my recent proximity to the game has changed my vision of poker in the last year, I can vividly recall my adolescent vision of poker. I always picture a Saloon in the old west where cowboys stroll in through a swinging door to have a shot of whiskey, listen to the piano player, and take a load off. In the back corner of the room smoke rises from a circular green-felt table. Red, white, and blue chips are tossed into pots by Doc Holliday, Sam Bowie, your usual collection of riff-raff, and Wild Bill Hickock (with his back to the wall). They play cards late into the night while the occasional argument breaks out during a tense bluff or an accusation of cheating. Of course, every man at the table has a six-shooter strapped to his waist.

Your internal version of poker may be different. It might bring up images of a stud game taking place on a Mississippi steam boat as the white vessel steams up the river. It might be the classic image of five dogs sitting around a poker table, or even the images on the playing cards themselves. Poker is as deeply embedded into what we refer to as Americana as the historical periods in which the game was spread across the country.

To finish off my comparison of American pastimes I pondered some of the characters that make, and have made these games so popular. First things first, baseball has the Babe. Poker has the Texas Dolly. Both men are larger than life, and patriarchs of their game. Johnny Moss would have to be poker's Ty Cobb, his brusque demeanor often rubbing opponents and fans the wrong way. Stu Ungar would be Mickey Mantle, arguably the most impressive talent their game has ever seen. They were unfortunately, equally defined by what they could have accomplished if health problems and fast living had not diminished their prime. Phil Hellmuth has to be Barry Bonds. You either love him, or you hate him, but you can't look away. You can't miss what they'll do next. I may be reaching on this one, but I would say Amarillo Slim is the felt's Willie Mays, it's "Say Hey" kid. These two me are legends who were not only great players, but also possessed a contagious human spirit. I know I could keep going here but I have to hop on my flight to Vegas, but I've jump-started the discussion. Shoot me an email and let me know what you come up with, or if you disagree with my picks thus far.

Ryan "Force" Lucchesi
force@wisehandpoker.com